"Birthmother's Day" - Dishonoring Motherhood?
Posted: Saturday, April 08, 2006
by Laurie Frisch
Origins USA
All over America, there is promotion for adoption. Pregnant women are being advised by "professionals" to "make a decision now" before their baby is even born, before a mother can have any concept of what she may be "giving up". There is little support for motherhood in America. In fact, a pregnant woman is frequently referred to as a "birthmother" instead of being called a "mother-to-be". Likewise a new mother may hear the odd phrase "Congratulations, birthmother!" instead of the more normal and friendly "Congratulations, Mom!, You have a son."
Using the word "birthmother" instead of "mother" makes it all seem almost normal: A "birthmother" cannot expect any moral support for raising her child. A "birthmother" has a job to do - and that job is to provide her healthy newborn baby to someone else.
Some mothers find the "adoption option" so much more painful than they ever could have imagined in advance, that they commit suicide after being separated from their babies. Others manage to find ways to cope, despite the lack of public acknowledgement of their extreme loss.
Today, adoption businesses and others are promoting something they call "Birthmother's Day". We already have Mother's Day. All kinds of mothers are honored on Mother's Day - working mothers, stay-at-home mothers, step mothers, grandmothers. In some churches, even women who have had abortions are sometimes honored as the mother of their child on Mother's Day. We do not need to dishonor woman and motherhood by celebrating women as breeders or incubators on "Birthmother's Day" instead of honoring them as "mothers" on Mother's Day.
Unplanned Pregnancy - A Mother's Song provides information for mothers, fathers and grandparents who want to keep their babies. OriginsUSA is a non-profit organization supporting the rights of American single mothers.
This Article has been viewed 849 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Hi Laurie, I agree with you. Adoption is about social engineering: breaking up families in order for those who have more money and power to create a pseudo-family by exploiting the bodies of those less powerful . Society would not agree to the state intervening and stealing children - but by the use of spin, 'smoke and mirrors' adoption is dressed up as a 'selfless act'. A process that saves 'unwanted babies'. The woman who produces the baby is somantically disconnected from her baby by the use of words such as 'birth mother'. She is no longer the 'real mother' but someone who wants to give her baby to some one who can give her child all the things she cannot. Babies are becoming thin on the ground. Many 3rd world countries are closing down the supply of their babies. Korean for example has apologised to the mothers it did not support and to the babies who were sent offshore as a result. So once again there is a push for babies to be provided - here in Australia intercountry adoption is on the rise and the pro-lifers or read that the pro-adoptors are setting up 'pregnancy counselling centres'. These centres are being used by pro-lifers to convince vunerable young mothers they should do the right thing and be a surrogate mother, carrying their baby for an infertile couple. There needs to be a much more public campaign to advertise the psychological damage done to mothers and child by being seperated - and the use of real language to describe what is really going on. Modern adoption is no more than legally sanctioned kidnap! Chris ColeI'm guessing Chris Cole will never see this comment, since Chris' comment was over a year ago, but as an adoptive parent I couldn't let the "social engineering" comment go. So, my daughter should have been allowed to stay with the woman who used heroin during her entire pregnancy and was not doing anything to change her life after the child was born? The baby was kidnapped? You sound like you are spouting off a lot of "information" without actually knowing anything about adoption.
Good point! But what of the children who ARE unwanted at the time of birth? Whose mother is perhaps only seeing her newborn thru the thick haze of drugs and alcohol? Whose own sense of self-worth is non-existent and she is lashing out at society or their family, producing baby after baby that she is not in a position to care for? Should these children not be adopted and be afforded food, shelter, clothing, warmth, affection, direction and a sense of self worth? What if no one else in the family due to mental illness or a culture of drugs, alcohol and abuse, comes forward to raise these kids? Should they should just be corraled into "in limbo" institutions until Mom decides they are worth the sacrifice of accepting help that has been offered to her time and time again and then be reunited? Where do you suggest they go? Not to mention, what of those who would have opted for abortion otherwise? Is not adoption a better thing to do than abortion? I'm all for keeping biological families intact, but not when neglect and abuse is what is present and forecast. Please stop unilaterally demonizing adoption. No, it is not for everyone, but it has its own legitimate place. Proud Adoptive Mom
As a birth mother suffering alone on mothers day it pains me to read this article. I was forced as a teen to terminate my parental right. I was not an addict or alcoholic, just a teen that got pregnant. For those that know my situation it is always awkward and frequently my sacrifice goes unnnoticed. I dont think that I deserve special day or any bells or whistles but understand the grief that a birth mother faces everyday that they are away from a child that they carried for nine months. Until you have walked in the shoes of a birth mother please do not judge. it is painful enough to cope. Suffering in silence on mothers day
As an adoptee, I totally support the adoption process. My own "birthmother" was a teenager when she became pregnant. She came from a household where her own father was sexually abusing her. She did not want me to be hurt like she had been. She decided since she was 5 months along, adoption was her only option. Since my adoption occurred in the 70's, it was immediately after giving birth that she had to sign away her rights. Thank god! From what I've been told since meeting her is that if she would have waited a few days, she would never have agreed. Who knows what I would be now if I had to live through the nightmare of sexual abuse that my younger sister was later subjected to. And I thank God everyday that he broke up my "real" family and gave me a "pseduo" family! I have the most wonderful, supportive and loving parents! I believe it is just the way that God planned. As I stated earlier, I have since met my "birth" mother and that is all she is to me. Someone who carried me while God was creating my TRUE family. I am very grateful to her for the sacrifices she made so I could have a chance at a happy, normal life. I do NOT regret that she did not raise me as her "daughter". There are many women who have unwanted pregnancies and choose to keep the child for selfish reasons and in the end, it is the child who suffers. I believe women who are pregnant and choose to become birth mothers are angels in disguise. I understand the grief they go through to "give away" their child, but they need to view it as giving their child to God. Since all things on Earth and in heaven (especially children) belong to God anyway, shouldn't he be the one to decide where and with who a child will be raised?
Hey aunt Laurie! this is george! i have been trying to get ahold of you however i can, if you ever see this my email address is my first name middle initial and last name at gmail i hope i hear from you soon! lots of love!
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.